My dad made a rather interesting comment about my blog about a week ago. He said, “You’ve gotten so dark…and so have your men. All the ‘goddamn’ this and ‘fuck’ that. It’s like I don’t even recognize you.”
I didn’t know how to respond other than to say, “People change.” In reality, I don’t think the tone of my blog has changed appreciably since its inception. I was ranting then, I’m ranting now. I was posting menz then, I’m posting menz now. Granted, I am not the same person I was four years ago (who is?) and maybe I am swearing a bit more, but is it darker? Am I darker? I don’t think so, but maybe I’m wrong.
While contemplating this earlier today, I was reminded of of something Kevin and I discussed last Saturday night; something that relates directly to the fact that most of our family members and long-term friends don’t read our blogs. Kevin said he thought that was because the people closest to us think they already know us; through years of association, they already have us completely figured out and know our every mood, every whim, and every opinion. Reading about us is unnecessary.
I’ll have to admit that makes a lot of sense. At least it makes more sense (and is more reassuring) than thinking that our loved ones find our ruminations monumentally boring.
But…
We both agreed that we share things in our blogs that we wouldn’t dream of bringing up in person. Or at least not with as much bare-nekkid honestly. We’re both exposing aspects of ourselves that we’re reasonably certain our long term associates don’t have a clue about, because even though we’re aware that at least some people we know “in real life” are reading us, the nature of blogging itself still provides the illusion—and freedom—of anonymity.
So if my dad is wondering why all of a sudden my menz seem to have become “dark” (and by that I assume he means dark in a swarthy, Mediterranean sort of way), it’s probably because he really hasn’t been paying attention to the guys who have been turning my head all these years. (To be honest, none of my long term partners have fit this ideal pornographic mold, but love moves in mysterious ways and very seldom delivers the complete package.)
Likewise, if he thinks that my outlook has grown progressively darker, it also might be because he hasn’t been paying attention. The happy-go-lucky eternal adolescent who existed prior to April 1, 2003, is long gone (and good riddance). As I’ve written here before, my journey through cancer profoundly altered who I am and how I view the world. While it bestowed increased compassion for my fellow human beings on one level, it also lessened my patience for stupidity. I no longer suffer fools (especially McCain supporters, Christian zombies, and Bush Republicans) gladly. Life is too short for bullshit (there I go, swearing again), and if you see it, for chrissake call it out.
So I dunno. What do you think? Have I turned to the Dark Side?
I don’t know if your dad really meant dark or if he used that adjective to encompass other feelings he had in reaction to your writings. While the outlook in your blog entries is not exactly rosy, especially as you address the rigamarole that is US politics, you do provide enough light-hearted humour that I’m not worried that you’ve turned to the “dark side”.
About friends and relations reading my blog, I’ve found that when I get them interested in one entry about something we share, they can get hooked… Many people are a bit intimidated by the whole blogging thing and indeed feel they know you enough; yet, when they discover that it is yet just another means of communication, they can get quite enthusiastic about it. It’s finding the “hook” that can be hard, and we have to accept that to some people, it just does not fit the way they see interpersonal relations.
If you were wearing your “Try Evil” hat at the time the conversation took place… then mystery solved!
It’s an age thing, perfectly normal.
I don’t know if I count as a regular reader, since I’ve only been reading since earlier this year. If I do count, I have noticed a tone shift. That’s not to say that’s an abnormal or wrong thing. I certainly go through tone shifts myself.
Admittedly, I am more likely to skip your rant entries now than I used to be. Whether you are actually more angry about politics or religion now, your writing is more openly hostile on some topics than I recall it being, and I’ve never been a huge fan of hostility in writing.
That doesn’t mean you need to change. It’s your blog, as you’ve acknowledged before, and I think you should say what you want to say. If people don’t want to read it, there’s no law stating they have to do so (yet).
I think the national discourse has brought about some dark energy. Whether you’ve gone darker or not; you would know better than most. Maybe your dad is just concerned that you are feeling angrier lately and is maybe a little worried? Maybe he doesn’t get you as a writer versus the person. I don’t think you are necessarily dark. I know dark. The men? I don’t think they are especially dark.
Maybe I just need to get myself a good strong prescription for Zoloft and medicate myself to the point where–like so many ‘murkan cit’zens–I won’t care that hubris, stupidity, and yes, RELIGION are destroying our country. All my hostile writing will disappear and the only thing I’ll post will be LOLCAT pictures and everything will be right in the world.
NO. THANKS. As I said before, if you don’t like what I write, go somewhere else.
7.5 years of the bush administration will do that!
Only 168 days until a new administration begins – cheer up on that note!
Or we could get some ice cream and scream loud insults at ugly Christian Ladies wearing pantsuits and bad hair.
Works for me.
Hey hey now Mr. VR, while I agree 100% that “if we don’t like it, we can go somewhere else or not read it,” you did actually ask us if we thought you had become more dark or not. That’s a loaded question. I must concur somewhat with Ron…and not only with your site, but with anyone’s site, that is typically “this way or that way” I tend to skip over it. And the more frequently someone posts, the more easily I am at skipping over things….that’s what I get for reading more than 100 blogs a day. Ron said it best when he said “Admittedly, I am more likely to skip your rant entries now than I used to be…” I don’t know if it’s “dark” or not….that’s pretty subjective. Plus, parents have this image of their sons and daughters that they cling to sometimes. So, until I have a reason not to, I’ll keep coming around. Plus, a little dark never hurt anyone. A constant diet is another thing.
It reads fine by me, but it’s not up to me.
What has a “dark side,” a “light side,” and holds the universe together?
You are who you are who you are. People see in you what they want to see….
I don’t think you have changed that much over the years that I have known you. I think you are more honest about your thoughts and feelings, but I think that comes with age and life changing events. The same thing has happened with me for the same reasons.
As Martha would say “It’s a Good Thing”!
I think my blog became less critical of the administration and a bit less ranty after leaving the country. Maybe you need a vacation outside the US, someplace that has intelligent news media.